A Dog’s Life #8: ‘Must love dogs.’ — or Looking for ‘my’ Archie.

How Harriet’s dogfriend made me realise what I am looking for in a partner.

6 min readSep 15, 2020

I am Nora Stolz, positive psychology coach and wellbeing strategist for C-suite, entrepreneurs and courageous (wo)men. I live with my 11-month old Cavapoo puppy in Marylebone, Central London. In my column ‘A Dog’s Life’ I write about our urban adventures and what I learn about humans, and myself, thanks to my four-legged fur baby.

The Ultimate Dating Coach

If you have read my column before, you’ll be familiar with my 11-month old puppy Harriet; and if you are one of my regular readers (thanks Mom!) — the name ‘Archie’ will ring the bell. For everyone else: welcome to my column, where in this month’s episode, I write about how my puppy Harriet made me realise what I am actually looking for in my long-term partner. Could it be that she’s the ultimate dating coach?

Soulmates

Harriet met Archie when she was just two months old. This tiny bundle of fluff moved into Archie’s street in Marylebone, Central London at the end of November 2019.

What’s all this fluff about?

And from the onset I have to say, her intuition was top notch. When Harriet met Archie for the first time — sparkles flew and magic happened. Soulmates were born. Just like that! And while I am weirdly familiar with male humans displaying a rather unusual amount of awe & affection towards Harriet, this male in question is a very handsome two year old Cavapoo boy.

Taller, broader, darker than Harriet, no doubt he’s a handsome boy.

Archie is taller than Harriet, broader than Harriet, darker than Harriet. So, looks wise he checks all the boxes. No wonder Harriet was smitten by him from day one. But as we all know, looks actually do not matter that much. What matters are

(1) shared values and beliefs

(2) a similar level of energy

(3) shared sense of humour

(4) ideally a similar level of intellect and shared interests, but definitely

(5) a bio-rhythm that indicates compatibility, because who knows of any happy couple where one person is a lark and the other one is a night owl?

(Note to the reader: The only time you will see me out and about past 10pm — my preferred bedtime — is when Harriet needs a last minute wee before bedtime.)

Slow starts, build solid foundations

To be honest, Archie was a bit of a slow burner to start. Or perhaps Harriet was simply too young, or he was simply doing the usual ‘play it cool’-thing that men do when they are actually totally into a woman, but terrified by the sheer thought of being turned down. Anyhow, the first five encounters or so, Archie wasn’t too fussed about her. He enjoyed spending time with her no doubt, but it was all pretty much in neutral hanging out territory.

‘Where’s Archie?’ Harriet waiting for Archie to come out to play.

Somedog else

Then suddenly something changed and he must have realised:

“I kinda like that girl. She’s cool, she’s fun, she’s smart and she’s pretty cute too. And if I am not making a move anytime soon, this young lady will be snapped up by somedog else in no time.”

Doing the uncomfortable

So from one day to the other, Archie did the uncomfortable: he changed his tactic. He wasn’t holding back anymore. And this is exactly how he won her over, this is how he sealed the deal with Harriet: He knew what she wanted, and made it clear to her by consistently showing and reiterating his true intentions with care, love and dedication that he can give her what she wanted. And he wasn’t pushy either, it was the calm and consistent personality that made her fall for him.

He started to greet Harriet with his masculine low tone bark every time she appeared on the square
He hugs, kisses and dances with her every time he sees her
He lets her drink out of his dog water bottle whenever she needs a sip
He lets her share his ball, which no other dog is allowed to touch
And he teaches her all sorts of desired and undesired tricks such as ‘goating the square’.

‘Goating’ on our local square — *‘Goating’* — a favourite past time of Harriet & Archie

Only eyes for each other

Archie is by far her favourite dog in the neighbourhood — and no one would ever question that. Nine months later they are inseparable like an old couple, and madly in love like two ‘pupsters’ every day a little bit more.

Looking for ‘my’ Archie, aka my soulmate…

But what has Archie & Harriet’s love story to do with adult human relationships? Here comes the thought: Opening up and committing to a partner is a big step for many people — especially the ones that had their heart broken before. And while most people will agree that a strong romantic relationship is one of — if not the — ultimate life goal, I know only a handful of couples who are investing the time to build strong foundations.

Physical intimacy is cheap, real intimacy is when two souls connect on all levels: spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. And this — surprise, surprise — takes much longer.

Archie and Harriet took the time to get to know each other, consistently, little by little and today they are like two peas in a pod.

What Archie & Harriet taught me

The remarkable thing is, observing Archie and Harriet made me realise what character values are most important to me and what I am looking for in my next parter. Thanks to Archie, I was able to identify three character values I look for in my life partner, and needless to say Archie displays them all:

Intellect & curiosity: Archie is exceptionally smart, curious and has a cheeky sense of humour,
Emotional stability & faithfulness: He is consistent in his behaviour and he has a secure attachment style. He is faithful and only has eyes for Harriet.
Positive masculinity & reliability: He is such a gentledog in everything he does, he is not cocky he is simply a rock for Harriet and protects her the moment another male dog may make an appearance. I can 100% rely on him to keep her safe.